Janet was in her early 60s when she started noticing that something just wasn’t right. Sometimes, she wouldn’t make it to the bathroom in time. Other times, she didn’t realize an accident had happened at all until it was too late. She felt embarrassed, anxious, and unsure what to do. She thought maybe it was “just part of getting older.” But deep down, she knew it wasn’t normal.

Like Janet, millions of people experience accidental bowel leakage (ABL), and too many of them keep it to themselves out of shame or fear. Opening up to your doctor can be the first step toward returning to the parts of life you love most: morning coffee dates with friends, long walks outside, babysitting grandkids, joining your local church group or book club without fear.

For many, addressing this and getting help means staying in your own home longer. It means avoiding unnecessary transitions to assisted living or long-term care. It means leaving the house with confidence that you don’t need to pack extra clothes “just in case.”

If you’re struggling with bowel leakage or other bathroom changes, know that it’s more common than you realize and that there are compassionate, helpful ways to talk to your doctor about it. This guide is designed to help you feel more prepared, more confident, and most of all, less alone.

Why It’s Important to Talk to Your Doctor About ABL

Bowel leakage can be caused by many things, such as aging, childbirth, nerve damage, surgeries, chronic medical conditions, or even diet and medication. And while it may feel small at first, it can really start affecting your daily life, your self-confidence, and even your relationships.

Talking to a healthcare provider is the first step in getting your life back.

Your doctor can help you:

  • Identify the cause of the problem
  • Recommend personalized treatment options
  • Refer you to specialists or physical therapists
  • Introduce you to helpful products or tools

But first, you have to start the conversation.

Related: Is Bowel Leakage Normal? What to Know About ABL

It’s Normal to Feel Nervous

Let’s get this out of the way: feeling embarrassed is totally normal! This is a personal, private topic that not everyone is open to sharing about.

You might be worried your doctor will dismiss your symptoms. Or that they’ll think it’s “gross” or “weird.” Maybe it feels too personal, especially if you’ve never talked about bathroom issues with them or anyone else before.

All of those feelings are valid. But you have to remember: doctors hear about these kinds of issues every single day. To them, it's not gross or strange; it’s part of keeping you healthy. If those types of subjects made them uncomfortable or queasy, they wouldn’t have chosen to go into the medical field in the first place. Usually, when it comes to the discussion itself, doctors hesitate because they don’t want to make you uncomfortable, embarrassed or offended.

Before Your Appointment

Feeling nervous is natural, but being prepared can make it easier. Here are a few things you can do before your appointment:

1. Track Your Symptoms

Jot down notes about what’s happening. You don’t need to write a novel, just simple details like:

  • When does the leakage happen?
  • How often?
  • Is it a small amount or more significant?
  • Are there certain triggers (food, stress, activity)?

When we’re already nervous about going to the doctor, or leaving in a rush, or caught up in answering their questions, sometimes we forget all of our own.

Use our free bowel assessment guide to organize your symptoms ahead of time. Having everything written out will make it easier to remember details and feel more confident during your appointment.

Download the Bowel Assessment Guide Here

2. Write It Down

If the idea of saying the words out loud makes you anxious, write them down. Not only will this help you remember them and allow you to take your questions and symptoms with you, but you can even hand the note straight to your doctor or even send it through a patient portal message ahead of time.

3. Practice What to Say

Try rehearsing a sentence or two in the mirror or with someone you trust. Saying it out loud helps take away some of the fear. Focus instead on the benefits: grabbing dinner with your friends without mapping a route to the bathroom, feeling safe enough to exercise and getting back to doing things you love. Regaining your self-confidence because you are finally owning it, taking care of it, and not letting it define you.

You can do this!

Examples of What to Say

You don’t have to use fancy medical terms. Just be honest and clear in your own words. Try one of these simple conversation starters:

  • “I’ve been having some issues with bowel leakage, and it’s starting to affect my daily life. Can we talk about that?”
  • “It’s a little embarrassing, but I’ve noticed I’m not always making it to the bathroom in time.”
  • “I’m worried something might be going on. I’ve had a few accidents, and I want to understand why.”
  • “I read that bowel leakage is more common than people think. I think I might be experiencing it, and I’d like to get some help.”

If it’s easier, bring someone you trust to the appointment, or write the phrase down and read from it. What matters is starting the conversation.

Your doctor is on your side and wants you to live the best life you can as well.

If You’re Uncomfortable with Your Provider

Sometimes, the doctor you normally see isn’t the one you feel most comfortable talking to about personal issues. That’s okay.

  • If you prefer a female or male provider, call ahead and ask if one is available. It’s perfectly acceptable to make this request.
  • If your cultural background makes it difficult to talk about bathroom issues, try expressing that to your provider:

     “In my culture, we don’t usually talk openly about these things. But I really need help, so I’m doing my best to explain.”
     
  • Still uncomfortable? Look into telehealth appointments or see if your clinic has a nurse, physician assistant, or specialist you could speak with instead.

You deserve to feel safe, heard, and respected.

What to Expect from Your Doctor

Once you bring it up, here’s what might happen:

  • Your doctor may ask more questions about your health, medications, or medical history.
  • You may be referred to a gastroenterologist (a digestive health specialist) or pelvic floor therapist.
  • You may be asked about your diet, physical activity, and bathroom habits.

It’s important to remember that bowel leakage doesn’t always mean something serious, but it also doesn’t mean you have to live with it.

You Don’t Have to Go Through This Alone

Support is out there. There are discreet, non-surgical options available for managing bowel leakage, including newer medical devices like StaySure™, a small silicone insert that’s comfortable, safe, and easy to use. While we haven’t jumped into covering your treatment options yet, we want you to know that you do have options, and StaySure™ is one of them.

Whether you’re just starting to notice changes, or you’ve been dealing with ABL for years, it’s never too late to seek help and regain control of your life.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is bowel leakage normal as you get older?

It’s common, but it’s not normal. There are many ways to treat and manage it at any age.

Read More: What Is Accidental Bowel Leakage?

What causes bowel leakage?

It can be caused by aging, childbirth, injuries, nerve damage, certain conditions like irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), or even medications.

What kind of doctor should I talk to?

Start with your primary care provider. They can refer you to specialists if needed.

What if I feel too embarrassed?

You can write it down, bring someone with you, send it ahead of time through the patient portal, or request a different provider. You have the right to feel comfortable.

Track Symptoms with a Free Bowel Assessment Guide

Are there treatments besides surgery?

Yes! Many people benefit from pelvic floor therapy, dietary changes, medications, or simple, discreet solutions like StaySure™.

Looking for a discreet, simple way to manage bowel leakage?

Learn more about StaySure™ and how it can support your journey at StaySureToday.com.